You think you know someone’s character. You believe their feelings toward you are genuine. This person is in your inner circle. Therefore, they can be trusted. This is a good person and they truly care about you. You are convinced that their intentions are honorable and come with no malice because this person would not hurt you or cause you harm. Now, mind you, someone could be anyone. Someone is a pronoun, meaning an unknown or unspecified person. Some person. Example, there is someone at the door.
That Someone Could Be Anyone
Anyone as in your mother or father. It may be a sibling or some other relative (blood or not). It could be a best friend or an acquaintance. Husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, your neighbor, dry cleaner, driving instructor, doctor, etc. It doesn’t matter who. Any human will do. There are no exclusions or exceptions to who this someone can be. All earth beings are eligible in this little game called life.
I say this because one must be aware of any and all possibilities to the betrayals and backstabbings that may potentially occur. I have found that this process of awareness to someone’s actual moral compass and meter of dastardly actions can be most shocking and hurtful. So, it’s better to be somewhat prepared that pain can come from anyone of the above mentioned and at any time.
It is most shocking and hurtful when you discover that the culprit happens to be a close relationship of longevity (i.e. a lifetime of interactions, experiences), such as a parent (biological or designated), a child, sibling, spouse/partner, any long-term friendship, etc. These are the hardest to swallow. The less time invested in the relationship seems to be less painful by some measure. Not to say that you are not damaged still to some degree by the shenanigans of another.
It seems unconscionable that someone, anyone, would feel the need to purposefully screw over, be in competition with, or intentionally try to hurt as a result of jealousy, insecurities, financial gain, or any other negative facilitator. Unfortunately, the cold hard facts are that anyone at any time could pull the proverbial rug out from under you with a quick lie or a smooth maneuver. Righteous inclinations, positive vibes and some damn good acting could fool the brightest of bulbs. So forget it if your IQ is off the charts. It cannot save you.
Regretfully, trickery is an art that can be mastered. Those who speak falsehoods have become a predominant species and I have found that they have the fortitude to survive a nuclear bomb. Some have mastered the art of lying to such a degree that these individuals could give Jesus Christ a run for his money. Slippery tongues and sticky fingers have been the ruination of many a relationship. What sucks entirely is being the one duped and on the shit end of the stick. Being completely fooled of another’s true nature and secretive negative intentions has probably happened to each and every one of us.
Please do not think for one moment that it is because of you in any way, shape or form. You are not to blame. You cannot be held liable for the thoughts and actions of another, no matter who they are. Woulda, coulda, shouldas would not have saved you from the experience either. If someone is determined to speak or act in a particular manner towards you, there is nothing worldly that you could have done to prevent the attack from occurring.
Throughout my life I have noticed that every time one of these horrible situations has happened with one of the closest people in my circle, I saw correlations to and made note of the most common traits of a:
I have paid close attention to the similarities of these beings. The predominant, non-caring, empathy-lacking, delusional, non-compassionate, self-absorbed attitude in combination with the fact that these people never lose sleep over the pain they inflict. I wonder how anyone could be obliviously void of others’ feelings and level of distress.
Please be willing to release responsibility to the perpetrator for they must reap the karmic smack down all on their own.
What we think we know and how we feel towards another has no relevance to whether they will betray, hurt or attempt to destroy us. What we believe will not keep us safe. Our unconditional love will not shield us from any devious doings cast by a determined and relentless backstabber.
More than likely, you will survive the stabbing. But do you think you could pull through while you are already in crisis, at your lowest, needing support from those closest to you? Would you think them capable of actually pulling the rug out from under your feet then? What if those who you depended on and trusted decided it was the most perfect time to take you down? If they felt total annihilation was within their reach and they could take advantage of the moment?
Thought-Provoking Situations of
‘Do You Really Ever Know Someone’?
Hypothetically, you are drowning and reach your hand out to your mother. You would not expect her to step on your head. If you did possibly crawl to safety, you would not expect her to blame you for the accident. If you questioned this insane behavior perpetrated by your mother of ‘foot on head while almost dying,’ you wouldn’t expect her to talk shit and tell lies about you to whomever would listen. If you cornered your mother and asked her how she could act so deplorably, you wouldn’t expect her to say that she would never speak to you or her grandchildren again.
Would you think a mother would act like that?
That is insanity.
Your husband/wife of 10+ years bombshells you with some life-changing information. You are financially ruined and have nowhere to live. Penniless and homeless.
Your best friend slept with your boyfriend/girlfriend after the launch party to celebrate the fact that you bank-rolled your life savings to provide the money needed to start a new business endeavor for your significant other.
Your driving instructor says he/she has to dash to the store and then go drop off diapers at their house. This should take just a few minutes. You drive there and they say, “Come In.” Once in the door, they push you in a bedroom and attempt to force themselves on you.
Your neighbor is acting weirder than usual. You witness a few disturbing incidences from next door. People move in and out. You hear some shady stories that really make no sense about what your neighbor may be doing. You hear gunshots. One evening, the police and EMTs arrive because a teenager living in your neighbor’s home has accidentally shot themselves with your neighbor’s semi-automatic.
Out of the clear blue, your brother/sister, who you have not talked with in years, comes back into your life and tries to rebuild your broken relationship. They tell you how glad they are to have you in their life once again, etc… You find out that your brother/sister lies about you to other family members with the calculated agenda of getting you written out entirely of your parents will.
I started this article by asking, ‘Do you ever really know someone (anyone)?’ Regretfully, the answer is no. You never really know someone. You have no idea what another human is thinking, feeling or what actions they are capable of.
Family, friend or foe, don’t be fooled. I’ve come to the conclusion that the only one you can know for sure inside and out is yourself. That statement is true only if you can be completely honest with yourself. This I know is difficult for some and impossible for others because I refer to the truth, and I mean the entire truth, which must be revealed and accepted.
What To Do?
Not having any expectations of people so that you cannot be let down, disappointed or defeated is an enlightened approach to save yourself grief and stress. Being cool with that non-expectational way of thinking in your life is one thing. To have someone deliberately screw you over and stab you in the back is another. Especially, if this was perpetrated by a loved one and it isn’t the first time they have done you dirty. It may be best to detach.
At times, it might be tempting to think that basic decency has disappeared into the abyss and no one can be trusted. It is easy enough to go there and choose a reclusive lifestyle, especially if the horrible encounters have been numerous. The reality that you matter not to certain people can polarize and have you preferring isolation. It’s definitely difficult to be brave and forge on to develop new relationships or, as a matter of fact, to stick in there with any existing difficult ones.
Having a defeatist attitude only allows the heartless to win. Therefore, holding a positive attitude and good intentions are critical to moving forward. Once, we have set that in motion the Universe has an interesting way of interceding on our behalf. You will find others who can relate and have had more to overcome than you. These kindred spirits will be able to support you through your healing process and transition into a more fulfilling approach to life.
Make peace with the past and embrace your bright future. Gone are the days of others dragging you down, replaced by the knowledge that you are not alone. You are not the only one that has had to overcome these challenges. Have faith that it is part of the divine plan to make you a stronger, more resilient, more compassionate, self-aware person. Let go and move on. Try to forgive and acknowledge the lessons you have learned and the wisdom you have gained. Ditch those who do not serve you well and this will make space for the good ones to come. When this is done, you are free to connect with and know yourself. Once you have acknowledged and accepted your truth, you are ready to connect with other brave souls who have done the same.
About the Author
Kaylee has a lifetime of experience in a variety of healing modalities. She is a Shaman (wise woman/medicine woman/healer), Minister, Psychic Intuitive, Empath, Reiki Master (Energy Worker), Spiritual Advisor, Life Coach, Friend and Mixed Media Artist.