Thirty years ago I was introduced to one of the most important people in my life to date.
My contractor at the time said to me, “you should meet my wife. I think you two would hit it off and become fast friends.” He wasn’t kidding. That very day he drove me to their house and the rest is history. I liked her immediately.
Definitely one of those soulful connection type encounters. I remember thinking, “I could rock with this chick.” She was extremely laid back. Confident, not cocky. Yet, living a lifestyle that many might envy. She had a spring in her step, quite literally.
What drew me in though was she seemed sincere and genuine. There was nothing fake or contrived. We both seemed to have an organic chemistry in which we had known each other for decades. It was easy and comfortable.
I felt that this woman didn’t have a malicious bone in her body. What she said, she meant. It was clear from the onset that we vibed well. We had much in common. The longer we talked, it became apparent as to what and why. What sticks in my mind the most about that day was that she turned to me and said,
“I think we’re going to be friends for a very long time. But, if at any point in our relationship, for any reason, that we are not, I want you to agree here and now that we will not speak ill of each other. We will go to the grave with the information shared between us and honor our friendship no matter what.”
Well, that statement told me a lot. Obviously she had been cut to the bone by a previous so-called friend.
She said she felt safe with me to confide her thoughts and secrets as long as I was willing to make this pact. If I was in agreement, there would be no worries. We would be free to be ourselves without restrictions. I wholeheartedly agreed to the terms without reservations. We were in sync. To me, this was what a ‘real friendship’ was all about.
Friendship Put to the Test
Through all the years of trials and tribulations there was a brief period in our relationship when we did not speak and this ‘contract’ was put to the test. Those who shall not be named had gotten between us. Ultimatums had been laid. Me or him. During that tumultuous time, if it was going to happen it would have.
We were being pulled apart and pressured to turn on each other. Both of us remained silent. There was never an ill word mentioned of the other. There were no underhanded comments or attempts at slaying character. No secrets were shared. No blood was spilled. We remained true to our word. We fulfilled our contract and honored our friendship.
We continue to share mutual respect and gratitude for each others’ presence. As it should be. I never second-guessed our friendship or regretted our initial agreement. I knew her soul was pure. There wasn’t a malicious bone in her body—not toward me or anyone.
I cannot say I have been this fortunate with other so-called ‘friendships.’
People tend to come and go. It’s the cycle of life. They are in and out for a reason or a season. This is to be accepted and expected. This is how we learn and grow.
What is unacceptable and unexpected is that a former friend feels the need to run their mouth in a negative way about you and your private exchanges shared in confidence during your time together.
One has to wonder…
What would prompt this vindictive behavior?
Does belittling an ex-anyone make one feel better about the loss of the relationship?
Because if it does, he or she clearly needs to be working overtime on some deep-seated issues. It is never alright to use what a friend has confided as a weapon against them.
If one feels the need to stock pile a friend’s secrets—holding them for a rainy day when they have the blues and need a boost—well this problem is more about them than anything another person could have ever done or said to them. They have not only betrayed the sanctity of the once friendship but have revealed a dark truth about themselves.
There is no reason or excuse to justify a deliberate assault of an ex-friend’s character. Selling someone out will not solve any problems. In fact, this turn of trust could open the flood gates to hell. We all know there are no winners there.
Honestly, either person may feel disappointed, hurt, betrayed and/or attacked at some point in any relationship.
How you react is what sets the tone.
Your reaction reveals your inner nature and tells the other party everything they need to know. What you say and do from that point will determine whether this is a friendship worth fighting over or for.
This depends on a few key factors.
3 Questions to Help You Determine Friend or Frenemy
What is the True Nature of the individual(s) involved?
Do you genuinely have each others’ Best Interest at heart?
Does this friendship consist of Trust and Mutual Respect?
If one chooses to lash out with unflattering dialogue about or toward said friend or ex friend than this would clearly state that one has an evil streak. This would be considered an act of vengeance not atonement.
Vindictive behaviors are what is expected from a sociopath or psychopath, not a ‘true friend’ or one you have held close to your heart and referred to as ‘family.’
Re-evaluate the ‘true nature’ of the individuals involved. If you have ever seen unsavory words and actions radiate off your so-called friend onto someone else and thought to yourself that they would never do YOU this way…
For example, if you have witnessed this person fronting a holy roller lifestyle, preaching Gods words with a fake smile and an “I love you” to members of the congregation, only to talk pure ‘T’ smack about them behind their backs as to how gullible and naive they really are, well…
Genuine Best Interest?
If you know for a fact that your ‘bestie’ has broken a marriage by cheating, called the boss of an ex-friend with a bunch of bull to get them fired, lied, stolen or committed fraud to governmental authorities, acts sweet, demure and supportive in public, but really is a venomous viper or black widow type behind the scenes that would slit another’s throat in their sleep if they could get away with it, then…
Trust and Mutual Respect?
If this sounds familiar, you have seen their true nature. They do not have your best interest at heart. They cannot be trusted.
This reflection of events would not be considered judgment. It is an observation of actual events. You are a spectator of their demonstrations.
If you are like me, you have been patient, given them the benefit of the doubt, encouraged, been supportive, promoted change, provided the knowledge and tools to do so, extended TLC, given them all you have to give, yet the cycle continues. Same shit, different day. While somehow it is always your fault for whatever and you still have to look over your shoulder with apprehension and worry that you could be their next target. Believe me, feeling sorry for them won’t shield you.
Ahh…No. That is ultimately a frenemy. So, let them go and do not invest anymore of your energy into wishing they would sprout wings. Take this experience as a valuable lesson learned to further your own growth and enlightenment. Be generous with your forgiveness and bless them.
About the Author
Kaylee is a co-founder of Good JuJu For You. She has been mindfully aware of and practicing her psychic abilities since she was a child. Led by her spirit guides, Kaylee has obtained a vast wealth of knowledge and experience with the ethereal realm and alternative modalities of energy healing. Kaylee is a shamanic healer and New Age artist.